I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
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