she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Randomize
