I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
i'm not sure what happened. i know i woke up on the floor of his bathroom, then had morning sex with him. dont remember getting to his apt. dont remember much.
morning sex?... maybe not a total mistake then? he seems like a normal person, so rare at BU
oh no, he's far from normal. i know his high school girlfriend. she's CRAZY. and he definitely deals prescription drugs. also. he had sex with me even though i slept on his bathroom floor.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Randomize
