dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I'm sobbing to NWA
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
