I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
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