she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
