Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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