Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize
