found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
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