We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
