then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
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If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
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Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
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