upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
