to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
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