Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
