just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Randomize
