didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
