Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
