I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
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