I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
