dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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