Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
