i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
