Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
sarcasm needs its own font
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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