I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
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