i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Randomize
