so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
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