Got a toothbrush?
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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