I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
