woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Everyone says I win the strip club
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Randomize
