I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Randomize
