What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
porn star boner night. come get it.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
