I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
