So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Randomize
