So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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