so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
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