i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
