Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
he fucked my hip out of place.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Randomize
