i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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