Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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