so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Randomize
