so I'm never txting u again after today...
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
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Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
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He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.