Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?