now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
MIDGETS
????
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
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