i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Randomize
