So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
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We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
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Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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