a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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