1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Randomize
