after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
These 19 Men’s Fashion Mistakes are Unforgivable, According to Women
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
25 Cringeworthy Below the Pants Injuries
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂