So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Don't say a word.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
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He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
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I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me