There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Small penises have feelings too.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
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