You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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