My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
You ruined the universe
Randomize
