if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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