Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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