Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
