I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
