Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
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On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
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On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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